The New York Times – By FRANK LIGTVOET – June 22, 2013 – OPINION – The Misnomer of ‘Motherless’ Parenting
For adopted kids of gay dads, “Where’s your mom?” can be an awkward question. And, vice versa for kids of lesbian moms. That’s OK. Not harmful to anyone. Ditto regarding the wishes and fantasies for the parent of the missing sex. All of this is true on one condition: that the child’s parents create a loving space in which the child, with his parent(s), can talk about these longings. It’s a useful rule of thumb: anything that is silenced by fear or shame is driven inward and stifles our freedom and joyfulness.
In “The Misnomer of ‘Motherless’ Parenting” Frank Ligtvoet, a stay-at-home gay dad, describes with sensitivity his experience of his daughter’s yearning for a mother, and of the role of the biological mother his child’s life. It is a well-documented fact that children raised in same-sex households fare as well in life (if not often better) than children raised in conventionally structured households. That said, the experience of the child is, in many ways, different. These differences merit focus.