Huffington Post – Jessica Dimas – Posted:
Jessica Dimas posted a moving article on Huffington Post about the shame many women feel around their sexuality.
I was Taught To Be Ashamed of My Sexuality reflects on the long-term impact of negative body-centric comments on the belief systems of young children. I say ‘children’ purposefully, as the implications on boys and girls of a parents’ discomfort or disdain for the human body, as well as discomfort with sexuality, is crushing to the development of healthy self-esteem for both sexes.
What if my father would’ve never told me that he saw girls being groped when he was in high school and that they giggled… and that I should never giggle if a boy ever did that to me?
Nevermind the issues of sexual harassment or blaming the behavior of the victim, what I heard was:
“Don’t act like you like it when a boy touches you.”
That is what the voice in the back of my head has told me my whole life, “pretend you don’t like it or you’ll look like a whore and men don’t like whores.
Being a good-enough parent means vigilantly considering the implications of our reflections on our children. As no parent is guiltless of these emotional foibles, all adults carry messages from the ancient wounds of our parents. Imagine the possible implications to a healthy sense of sexuality to a curious young boy caught with a Playboy when he hears that he’s naughty and disgusting for his clandestine viewing.
Part of the work of therapy is addressing these old wounds, forgiving the imperfect parent, and purposefully reconstructing a sense of self that is congruent with how you want to feel and inclusive of all that you are.